Is Weight Loss a Goal or Purpose?

When you have a big goal that you’re working towards, the usual advice is to break it down into small, measurable goals. That way, you can see your progress more quickly or know if you need to make some adjustments. And that makes sense to me.

But people don’t talk as much about the big goal itself, and the risk you face if you make achieving it your purpose. Because then what happens when you achieve it?

I started thinking about this after listening to a conversation between Wil Wheaton (best known for playing Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation) and Katee Sackhoff (who I mostly know from playing Starbuck in the Battlestar Galactica reboot).

Wil shared something an acting teacher told him once, and while it applied to acting, I think it also applies to the way a lot of people think about their weight.

Losing weight as a goal or even a purpose

For so many people who’ve struggled with weight for much of their lives, losing weight becomes this dreamed-of goal. It can even feel more like a purpose because you feel you can’t live your life, not truly live it, until you’ve reached some magic number on the scale.

But far too often, people don’t think about what happens after achieving that goal. What does the world look like when you’ve suddenly gotten what you said you most wanted?

From my own experience, it’s a very strange feeling, and it can honestly be a let-down. While you’re losing weight, people – rightly or wrongly – comment on it a lot, tell you how great you look, ask what your secret is, and encourage you to keep it up.

But when you stop losing weight, all the cheerleading stops, too. Oh, for a little while, people who’ve known you for a long time may say they’re impressed with you keeping the weight off, but it doesn’t last. I don’t remember the last time someone told me, but it’s been a long time.

The thinner version of you has become the new you, and it’s no longer worth commenting on.

Now, I’m not endorsing all the excitement around people losing weight, but when you’ve been trying to lose weight and get a compliment, it feels pretty good. When the compliments stop, though, and you’re facing the rest of your life in “maintenance mode”, it can be disheartening.

I think this is at least one reason why so many people struggle to maintain a lower weight. It’s not rewarding anymore, and now that you’ve achieved that goal, you may be at loose ends because you don’t know what to do next.

Finding a true purpose

This brings me to the advice Wil got. His teacher told him and others in the class that they needed to find a purpose in life that was greater than acting. And most crucially, “it has to be something you can never complete.”

That really resonated with me, and I wish someone had shared that with me as a younger person. For years when I was heavy, my goal was to lose weight and climb Katahdin, Maine’s tallest mountain, after not being able to climb it for years. And then I did that by the time I was 27. Then what?

I did have another goal, to get something published, and I’ve done that, too. That same year, I got a poem published, and since then, I’ve had other poems published, a lot of letters to the editor, and I self-published my memoir.

Goal met. Now what?

I’ve been thinking about that “now what” question even more now that I’m officially older than my mom was when she died. And interestingly, I heard the interview with Wil not long after my birthday, which may be why it struck me so much.

Wil shared what he decided his purpose was. “To be the kind of person I wish there was more of in the world.” He went on to add that to him, that means a person who’s kind and patient, who’ll do what’s right even when it’s hard.

He settled on that because he had a difficult childhood, with an abusive father and manipulative mother, and he wished someone like that had been there for him. No one was, but now he gets to be that for other people.

That’s a fine purpose, and if more of us focused on that, it would be a good thing. But everyone has to decide what their purpose is for themselves, based on their own life experience.

I agree that part of the secret is that this is something that you’ll continue to do for the rest of your life. And the great thing is, your purpose can be something you can strive for no matter how much or little you weigh.

I’d also add that this is one reason why weight itself is never a great goal. You don’t know if you’ll achieve it, and even if you do, then it puts you back to square one and wondering what’s next.

Weight loss is not a purpose

Losing weight may become such an obsession for someone that it might feel like a purpose, but it’s not. Your purpose needs to be more intrinsic to you, something you can do no matter what life throws at you.

Plus, you should have a purpose that will be with you throughout your life, whether you lose weight or not. That way, if you do lose weight, or if you gain weight, or if any other aspect of your appearance changes, that doesn’t mean that your life’s purpose is changed. Your purpose will remain throughout, so make it a good one.